What Was I Thinking

How in the world do I get myself in these situations?!! Yes I pride myself on being able to help with some of the stuff on the farm, but I thought I had learned to hide and pretend that I am a helpless female. Unable to even understand what is needed of me...when I don't want to help, or rather, don't want to do certain...jobs. It has taken me all this time to realize that my husband pretends, yes he pretends to not understand that I am a woman. Weak and helpless and dumb! I look around as if I can't even see what he is talking about, I am blonde you know! But it doesn't work today. Oh no, it didn't work at all today.

Now, I know that most people have never "loaded" little calves onto a cattle trailer. I should hope not! That should be reserved for the farmers of the world..hmm..or really dumb people! Why do they have to be moved anyway? Why can't they just play right here in the front of the house until they grow up to be a manageable little beasts? No, of course not. We have to send them down the road today, to the better pastures..yes, yes, I know! I just don't like it!

I am not wearing boots either! Sometimes that works and I don't actually have to go into the corral, not today. Darn! I have on my lime green rubber clogs that don't work too well if I have to run from side to side to head that little bugger off, and they fall off. He must know that too! He runs and stops and turns so fast my hip is out of joint in the first few minutes, because for some reason, I think I can keep up with his quick turns and fast get aways. Not! Now, I must explain that my husband is six foot three, yep, long legs. Do you think he is running after that calf? No! He is standing among the mommas looking at me as if I should have had that calf in the trailer by now, so he could get on with the job at hand.

My chest has now made my shirt a moving target as I try to regain my breath, up and
down it moved with each breath I struggled to regain. I look around me to find something to get my husbands mind off of my sad attempts to move the calf in the right direction, you know, a diversion, to gain some time. I spy a gate and suggest we set it up so the calf doesn't have so much room to run around me. Aha! He agrees with me. Reprieve for a moment and I hide the fact that I can't breath, behind bending over to pick up the end of the gate.Ugh! What a good idea this was! It weighs 300 pounds and he is yelling at me to move my end around. Will this day ever end? Ha, I have an idea. I ask him what he wants for dinner. Hummph! He says. I thought surely the idea of food would distract him, not today. No, today he wants my full attention devoted to the little devils in front of me.

He strides over to the far end of the corral and leans on his stick. This is a fiber glass stick used to gently move the cows around with, or protect me! I don't own one, just the big old man has one. It could keep that calf from getting away from me again too if I had one..to lean on. Fine, I'll show you, I think. I have my breath back and I devise a plan to end this madness sooner than later. I am going to tackle that calf...maybe. Uh..no, not such a good idea after all, as I look around at the condition of the corral. Wet and slippery, but not from rain..ewww..a little messy to be rolling around after a calf on.

Fine! I'll just keep chasing him til he heads into the newly appointed trap, the gate that will hold him in place. Just as I figure out how to move my fumbling feet in front of him, my husband decides to help. He yells and steps toward the calf sending him running headlong down the funnel the gate has created. Yea! He is right where we want him, I think, as I realize I am down in the.uh..mud. Suddenly, my husband yells as loud as he can. Hold that gate, he's going out the other end!!! We hadn't counted on that when we fixed our idea in place with baling twine.

I rush to the board fence without thinking and stick my arm through and grab hold of the other gate. The little demon is pushing as hard as he can, knowing it is the gateway to freedom from this madness he has found himself in. Oh yes, it is a he, a nice little bull about 400 pounds. As I hold onto the metal gate with all the strength I have in one arm, the gate suddenly rises in the air, with my arm caught in between the wood fence boards. I grab it harder and pull, completely forgetting that I don't want my husband to know I can do this. By some miracle, the bull backs off and calms down, knowing he truly can't get through after all. I have held him in, all by myself....dumb.My husband walks, yes walks, or rather meanders over to the gate and tells me to let go, as if he has the situation well in hand now, you know, being a man. I can't let go I scream at him. Finally, slowly I peel my fingers from around the metal that had taken hold of me as if it had super glue attached to it. My fingers are white from holding on so tight and no longer want to work at all. My husband starts to laugh and I look at him with daggers wondering what is so doggone funny at this particular moment. He laughs a little harder and says, "I didn't know you could rodeo all by yourself!"

I tried so hard not to laugh, I really didn't want to give him the satisfaction, but I couldn't help myself. We both giggled and laughed as we figured out, looking closer, that little demon had pushed the gate completely off it's hinges. The only thing holding it in was, me! Now, I'm really worried. I should have let that calf go through the gate the first time, allowing my husband to think he should have done it all by himself in the first place, because I am a useless woman. Oh no, not me. I had to let him be proud of me.

What was I thinking? How dumb could I be? I had completely forgotten to be blonde!