Such is the way that Theo thinks of herself. The mirror upstairs is such a liar.
Theo is seventy years young. She's tall and somewhat leggy. She has long white hair, some of it pinned up, most of it flying about in no particular style. Her hair has a tendency to curl and fly every which way, giving her the appearance of not having her wits about her. Actually, that's somewhat true. Her wits, or faculties or whatever, are a thing of momentary existence. Whenever she experiences a moment, one has to wonder if she should be allowed to wander the extremities of her own yard.
But wander them she will. Checking on the flowers, dead or alive, it doesn't matter. Theo has conversations with them daily, she likes knowing they are still there, dead or alive. However, she does have a tendency to not look where she's walking. Her shoes are proof of this, since the neighbors dog spends his sneaky hours in her yard, instead of his own. Poor Theo, having no knowledge that she has stepped in it, will track it all over the house. Much to Jed's horrified dismay. The foul odor penetrates his very being.
Theo has a nose for certain aromas, although this one is not on her list. Or is it? Jed screams and wails at the mess she makes. Telling her loudly, to stay out of the yard. Jed however, has never noticed the malicious little smile around the corners of her mouth, whenever he tells her this. Theo is sometimes, too clear headed and likes nothing better than to mess with Jed's head. Actually, she delights in this game, because she knows that Jed will march over to the neighbors, telling him to keep his...!@#@ little dog home. Jed mumbles for hours, cleaning the spots on the carpets. The words he mutters are never quite translated though. They have a guttural, low sound. Much like a growling dog, gnawing a bone.
Now, the house they live in is a rambling old two story, with fifty years of her collections crammed in it. Theo calls her bits and pieces "collections", much to Jed's dismay. He despises all the afghans and nick knacks that cover the entirety of the house. His own recliner, sits in front of the T.V., with a magazine table beside it. This is the only place he feels safe enough to even sit a coffee cup anymore.
He had lost his keys one day, by making the mistake of sitting them on the table in the kitchen. The locksmith had to be called before he could drive again. Theo had decided to wipe the crumbs off the table. The keys were never seen again. Or..had they?
Now, if Theo had been in her sound senior moments, the keys may have been found right where he put them. You just never knew when the moments would turn into hours, or even days for Theo. It's never been proven if these moments are in fact senior derived, or just more of Theo's penchant for making mischief. Her younger years weren't much different from the senior ones, so go figure!
Theo purely loves a good game!
Theo and Jed have a son. He's of course married, with a family of his own. Evidently he inherited his mother's sense of ..strange behavior. It developed soon after his marriage to Florence. Now, with a name like Florence, don't you think he might have had a clue, to what life had in store for him? Like I said, he has the genes. The fact that Theo named him Clarence didn't help at all. Sometimes the name we are tagged with, leaves us with a burden for life. As it did for Clarence.
Jed always hated the name Clarence, so he would refer to him as Sonnyboy. Can you imagine being called Sonnyboy, in front of your schoolmates? So you see, Clarence didn't really have a fighting chance from the start. He was labeled as a buffoon early in life. Clarence could never quite master the art of tying his shoes, so his wife began to buy him blue sneakers with velcro ties. That's all well and good, unless you are at a funeral, wearing a suit with pant legs on the side of being short. With white socks no less! Poor Clarence, he just never stood a chance.
Now, just a little information on Florence. Not that she has any importance in this story, but it's just too delightful to not mention, because she will be seen later. Florence always imagined herself married to a rich and influential man. She pictured herself serving tea to the Ladies Home Society, as a young girl. That was her true vision, to serve tea in a perfectly manicured parlor. Who has a parlor these days? Ahh..now we begin to see what century she lives in, at least in her mind. Florence sees her husband as a businessman of great importance, because that's the way she planned her life. Clarence works at a shoe store. Not that there is anything wrong with that at all. He provides for his family. Almost. Florence's high standard of living, with the finest china, has created a vast debt for them. Tea ain't cheap 'ya know. Her high faluting ways, which in no way has brought her the quality of friends she desires, costs money. Thus, sending Clarence further into the well of debt, with little hope of recovering.
Back to Theo. Most of the time Theo is content to putter around the house, dusting or singing. She sings to drive Jed out of the house. Works every time. On Tuesday and Thursday morning she gets to go down to the "Mine and Yours" used clothing and everything else nobody wants anymore, store. Theo is quite content, moseying around the store, looking at all the wonderful items thrown on the shelves, helter skelter. The occasional customer or two coming in to browse, gives her great pleasure. She shows them the most awful things in the place, just to see if she can talk them into buying it. Another little game she plays. When this happens, the customers usually sneak out the door with hurried looks behind them. Making sure that Theo isn't following them out. Theo grins as they leave, feeling quite satisfied with herself. Theo actually feels a certain sense of satisfaction with herself most of the time.
Now on one of those Thursday mornings at the store, Theo had one of her..moments. The moment just happened to last for several hours. She decided to take the trash that was overflowing, out to the dumpster. Standing in front of the huge dumpster, was at first intimidating to her. She couldn't possibly lift the huge trash can up that far to dump it. Theo loved a challenge though, so she wasn't the least bit intimidated by this fact.
Climbing up on two boxes, she was able to bring the can with her, sitting it beside her. It was still two far for her to shove the heavy can over her head to the top of the dumpster. A brilliant idea came to her, just like a light bulb turning on. She could climb up and sit on the edge, holding onto the can with her feet. She accomplished this by throwing one leg over the top, as if she were jumping onto a horse. Both legs up now, hanging over the side, just the way she had planned. When she reached her arms out to grab the can from between her feet, her bottom suddenly and without warning, dropped straight down into the dumpster. Feet, arms and legs, tangled up with the debris from several of the businesses that shared the dumpster. Cabbage on her head, some kind of foul food on her face, paper bags on her lap and a banana under her hand. Most folks would be so horrified at this point, the screams would be heard for miles. Not Theo. No, she simply laughed. This was the funniest thing that had happened to her in years. And she accomplished it all by herself!
After the wonderful laugh, she thought maybe she better get herself out. Well, that was the problem. She could almost reach the top, but not quite. After pulling all the trash over to one corner in a pile, she managed to almost get one leg up over the top. But, the trash kept slipping out from under the other leg, putting quite a strain on those long old gams. Theo hadn't done the splits in many years, today was not the day to practice she found. With a sigh of exasperation, she began to yell for help. Now, at Theo's age, her voice had a certain..shall we say, screech to it. After thirty or so minutes, the screech had turned to a whiny mewing. She was tired now. With every call for help, her voice became weaker and weaker. She tried to bang her fists on the metal sides, without success. It made no noise at all. Finally, she was too tired to care.
Sitting down among the many colored bags, she made herself a pillow with one and promptly took a nap. She awoke an hour later, staring straight into the face of a cop leaning over the top of the dumpster. A young man was beside him, peering down at her. When Theo opened her eyes wide, the young man screamed and fell back to the ground. The cop was startled as well, but managed to hang onto the side of the dumpster. Taking a moment to regain his composure, he asked her if she was hurt. Rested now from her nap, Theo cackled, not a pretty sound. They thought she was dead, she thought to herself. This was even funnier to her than the predicament she was in. Finally, she stopped laughing and tried to stand up. The skirt she was wearing had somehow gotten hooked onto an old coat hanger. When she stood up, it ripped straight from her body, landing around her ankles in a soft heap. Theo looked up at the two male faces staring at her with open mouths, and gave them a little curtsy.
The two men hid their faces on their hands, trying to allow the lady some dignity. Oh no, Theo didn't need dignity, she needed out of there, yelling up to them to give her a hand. The cop reached out to take her hand. He couldn't hold onto it though, it still had banana all over it. He tells the younger man to jump in and help the lady. The boy looks at him with wild eyes, shaking his head and trying to get away. The cop tells him he will arrest him if he doesn't get in. Sulking and even a little afraid, he manages to flip himself into the dumpster. Once in however, he has no idea where to put his hands.. on this old lady, standing in her underwear. He positions his hands at her waist, as she stands childlike with her arms lifted toward the sky. She thinks he is going to lift her up as if she were a child.
Theo is almost a head taller than the boy in the first place. In the second place, her skirt is lying in a puddle around her ankles. She leans over to glare at the boy, telling him to go ahead and lift her out. The boy looks up at the cop, telling him that he is going to have to get in and help. The cop hangs his head, trying desperately to think of anything else he could do, other than jumping into that stinking mess. Suddenly, two more cops show up to help. He hides a grin, then turns to them, telling them to hurry before she passes out again. The other two jump into the dumpster, as if they were there to save a dying...woman. Old woman they realize, as their eyes go straight to her legs, starkly white with purple and blue veins.
Theo puts her hands on her hips, one knee bent, glaring at them, like a hooker about to be arrested. The boy is standing a bit further back now, scratching his head, trying to avoid looking at the back end of this old lady in her underwear.
Theo again raises her arms, waiting for the two cops to lift her to the top. One of them, the older of the two, begins to smile and turns around to hide his laughter. It doesn't work, a few seconds later his whole body is shaking with laughter. Well of course the laughter ripples through all three cops, they just can't help it. The boy is still too afraid of the old woman, he doesn't dare laugh, nor does he find it at all funny. They hadn't been faced with trying to find a place to put their hands, in order to lift her up.
The older cop tells the one still on the outside of the dumpster to go find a ladder. When the boy hears this, his eyes get wide. He realizes that he will be standing behind her, as she climbs up a ladder. He tries to run. That ain't gonna happen. The slick stinking stuff under his feet, kept him falling about, but he was going nowhere. His feet tried to go forward, but he is thrown by a slick piece of rotted lettuce, landing face down on something undefinable, but extremely odorous.
The cop up top has found a ladder and is shoving it over the side by now. The two cops get it set up, holding onto it while Theo climbs up and over the side of the dumpster. One of the cops grabs her skirt and takes it with him up the ladder.
Once on the other side, Theo reaches for the skirt and casually puts it on.
She then sits down on one of the boxes, appearing as if she was completely spent. They gather around her, asking if she is ill or hurt. She tells them she is terribly tired, but that she still has to walk home. The boy is backing away, hoping to not be seen as he backs toward his moped. The first cop spies him and grabs him by the shirt. He glances down at Theo winking, then he asked her if the boy pushed her into the dumpster.
Theo smiles, an evil sort of smile, as she climbs onto the moped and calls the boy to come and drive her home. The cop lets him go with a slight shove. He jumps in front of Theo and drives down the alley, not so fast maybe, but it's a moped. Out of the alley, away from the cops a safe distance away, he stops. He waits for her to get off, but she just sits there. Home James, she tells him, pointing her finger down the street. The boy almost cries as he drives down the road, while Theo points the way, her white hair flying in the wind.
The boys name just so happens, to be James. He was sure that he had not mentioned what his name was to the old lady. He begins to think she might be..a ..witch. Or at the very least, crazy. This thought frightened him so badly, he did everything she instructed him to, once they were inside her house. How she managed to get him in the door remained a mystery to him.
How had he ended up here with this crazy woman? And how long would he be here...she was telling him that she had plans for him. Plans? He had to escape! But the bowl of soup she placed in front of him on the table, captured his full attention. James had been hungry for days. Picking the bowl up, he drank it down in several gulps, looking up at Theo pitifully for more. Winks jumped on the table, staring at James, with his wild yellow eyes, arching his back then jumping onto his shoulder. James didn't know whether to scream or cry. Winks claws were digging into his flesh. Was this a friendly hello, or was the cat trying to tell him to run for his life? James was enjoying the food too much to care at this point.
Theo was generous and kind, even if she was a bit eccentric. She poured him more soup, then made him a huge sandwich. She watched him devour the second bowl of soup, thinking to herself, the poor boy is starving. When she asked him where he lived, he began to lick the rim of the bowl, avoiding the question. Theo didn't mind this reaction at all. After all, she would react the very same way, if the mood struck her. Always avoid direct questions and create a bit of mystery.
When James and the cop had met, James was just about to reach for a hot dog from a vendor's cart. The cop had grabbed his hand, having snuck up on him. He was ready to arrest James when he got the call from the dispatcher, to go check out the dumpster. Someone had seen a dead person in it. The cop, Joey Pappaineau kept his hand on James, while going to check out the call down the block.
Now, Joey had worked this neighborhood for ten years, so he knew of the boy and his situation. He also knew all about Theo. James was eighteen, just graduating out of the system. No home, no job and hungry. His moped and his backpack, all that he owned in the world. Joey watched as they drove away on the moped, hoping the old lady would feed him and take pity on him. If he only knew what Theo had in mind for the boy...
Til next time....
No comments:
Post a Comment