Our Turn

　
　

You know, this is the time of year that families get together for a traditional family meal. November, one month before Christmas. The air is crisp and the wind has taken to pulling the cap off your head, so you have to chase it down, before it hits the new mud puddle in the driveway. Yea, when you left the house, you were dreaming about, running! That's what's always on my mind, running for no reason at all. Right!I used to put a rope on my kid so he wouldn't run in the street. Why run, when you can just as easily tie a rope around him, while you sun in the lounge chair by the pool. Well, that actually calls for a very short rope, I know....it was simply a mistake, why do they keep harping on it? He just got a little wet when he fell in, I shortened the rope after that. Geez!

Anyway, back to the warm feelings of Thanksgiving. Yes, we all look forward to the food and the family coming to Grandma's house. The cousins and aunts and uncle's and kids. Yes, it warms my heart too, to think of going to Grandma's house. Twenty years ago!! Grandma is too old to do all that cooking and cleaning anymore, so every year now, we take turns. A different family member hosts the event, so that unlike poor Grandma, no one has the pressure of doing it all the time. We take turns.
 Thank goodness this year is my cousin Pat's turn. I am among the youngest, and the family is large enough that I may never have to have a turn. Or, at least by the time it is my turn, my kids will be grown enough to take over, I will have the flu. Oh, I will have the flu. I have counted up the numbers and the months and I know when I will have the flu. Ha! Next year! My kids will be 12 and 14 by then, and since it will be my turn next year, I am sending them to a summer camp for "Teens That Love To Cook". Of course they don't know that yet, and they won't find out until they are safely there. I figure they will forgive me by the time they need permission to get a driver's license. Although, I have so many uses planned for that, I need to begin a file now... It's gonna be a thick one............
 I digress again. I am so thankful...yes thankful... that this is not the year that my turn comes around. Oh, it's not that I can't cook, I could, if I really wanted to, I'm sure of it. The only thing stopping me is that endless row of fast food places at the end of my street. I bought this house thinking there was a park down there, (hehe) I could take the kids to and have wonderful afternoons, flying kites and running through the park. It had nothing whatsoever to do with the one hundred and twenty different restaurants and eateries at the end of my street. And....they all deliver! It's Christmas over and over, every day.....
There I go again, dreaming and running way off from the point I was making. That Thanksgiving is such a wonderful time of year...my phone is ringing...Hello...Oh yes, I'm fine... no, NO it's not my turn!! I counted! Wait! Wait..I haven't been feelin..are you there? Hello?????
 I slowly turn and look at the door, I think I should run away. My feet won't move, I am stuck in this spot. Can anyone hear me calling?? I'm dizzy and wobbly and I can't seem to think........
It's MY TURN??? !! How did this happen? I was so careful to count the people in front of me and I know.......uncle Ed died this year.....oh no.. that bumped me up a person...and now it is my turn! No, no, I don't know how to take a turn for this stupid holiday. I can't do this! My plan! I have a plan, for next year, not this year.
Who ever came up with this stupid idea ought to be rolled in glue and popcorn!

Wait, I need to think. I can do this. Can't I? It couldn't be that hard to cook enough food for 30 people. A meat, a starch and a vegetable. No problem, this is a piece of cake, oh, I need cake too. How much does it costs to feed that many people... I'm used to getting 3 kids meals at a time, not a cart full of actual grocer...ies. Yea, that's what they are. G-r-o-c-e-r-i-e-s. Got it.
I take down the old cookbook and choke on the dust it has collected. OUfff, dust in my throat..can't breath...haaack, haaaaack. Man, I thought I was going to die right here, right now. Finally, I turn to the index and find the word, Thanksgiving. Turning to the page number, it has a beautiful picture of a Holiday Meal. It really is quite pretty. Let's see, turkey, ham, potatoes, green beans, cranberries, corn, bread, desserts...hmmm...I've seen these pretty dishes at....

I devise a plan, I make a list. I begin to initiate it. One resturant for the veggies, one bakery for the bread and pies, one store for the turkey and ham. Done. Easy.
All I have to do is pick it all up the day before. Just like we normally do, every day.
I call a cleaning company and have the house cleaned the week before. The windows were cleaner than when I moved in here, and now I can see outside again, imagine that... Hey, this isn't bad....I'm getting the hang of this "holiday taking a turn thing".

On the day before the big event being held in my home, haha, sounds so funny...
I start my list of trips, and begin to pick up food from each place. The ham and turkey were the last to be picked up. I pulled in the parking lot and went in the store, full of confidence now. I truly know exactly how to make a Thanksgiving dinner. I can prove it, all but the turkey and ham were in my car now. As I waited in line, I realized that I wasn't the only one doing it this way.
I shifted from foot to foot and hummed a little ditty, I'm in the money.. until the man in front of me turned mean. He actually asked me stop humming, can you believe that? In Line? Of all the nerve.
Finally, the mean man had his package and left, and it was my turn.

With my very best smile, I tell the clerk my name. She goes to the back to get my order. She goes to the back to get my order......hmmmm....hmmmm...ok. Where is she? Finally she comes back. With absolutely no expression on her 16 year old face, she says they can't find another order. They must have made a mistake and given the ham and the turkey to someone else. Suddenly, I have feeling! I know my name..sort of...I try to speak to the girl...are you sure..ahem..ARE YOU SURE?

I felt a deathly quiet in my brain. I can't hear.. or speak. It must be a stroke. I have had a stroke! I have lost all control of my limbs and mouth. I reached up to my mouth to see if it was crooked. I can't feel it, it's gone!! No... my fingers are gone....where am I?
I scream at the top of my lungs! Oh, I'm back! Fully functional, now and in my most loud voice, I tell them what I think of them. The girl is putting her hands over her ears and the people behind me leave the store and wait on the sidewalk outside, peeking in the window to see if I have horns coming out of my head
Suddenly, I have feeling! I know my name..sort of...I try to speak to the girl...are you sure..ahem..ARE YOU SURE?

Completely spent, I stop. I turn and walk outside. I look at my car full of almost the whole meal. The only thing missing was the...STAR! The center of the meal, the most important, the best part. The turkey and ham...I guess this very nice old lady thought I was having another stroke on the sidewalk too, as I stood looking at the car, with no attempt to get in it, and offered to help me. I laughed, not a pretty thing either. It was the laugh of a drowning woman, almost a gurgle....as she asked me what the problem was. I told her flatly, I was missing the turkey and ham for the meal tomorrow. She sniffed! Sniffed??!! What is that, an answer in another tongue? I don't read Snif! I look at her with wild eyes, eyes that got wide with anger and disbelief....she took my arm, being older and not seeing well, she didn't notice the smoke eminating from my nose, and kindly began to tell me how to cook a turkey and ham all at the same time with no trouble at all.

It's easy, she said. Easy, Ha! Ok, then, come over to my house and cook it, I challenged her. She laughed sweetly, just knowing I was kidding. No, I wasn't kidding, and I was in no mood to be laughed at, or with, or anything else. I lgazed at her neck, my hands started to clench, open and close. My breathing got heavier, almost a pant, she began to back away...I grabbed her and pulled her to me close, as if I wanted her for a lover! She screamed, not loud, 'cause she was an old lady. I held onto her, and told her in the deepest, lowest voice I could find, repeat that recipe please.She was still afraid, but told me one more time how to do it. Easy. Ok. I headed up the street to the grocery store. I had no idea where to find a turkey and a ham. I only go down the soda and chips asile, I asked someone to help me, it was the first person I saw. She pointed. Point? What, you don't speak? What has this world come to today, point? sniff? Ok, whatever. I head in the direction she pointed. I found the turkey and the ham and waited in line, again.

I finally get home and told my kids to bring in all the food. I thought I should rest after my ordeal, it could have been a stroke, so I laid down, just for a minute. When I awoke I was so groggy I couldn't get my bearings. I looked at my watch. Midnight!?? I had slept a long time, but after all, I deserved a little rest after my ordeal and a stroke, almost. It could'a been a stroke! I went to the kitchen and turned on the oven, and just like the old lady had told me. Preheat.

I took the turkey and put it on a roaster pan with the ham right beside it. I had forgotten to buy the foil to cover it with, so I grabbed the plastic wrap. It should work just fine, I thought as I continued with the proud preparing of the star of the dinner. The old lady was right, this is easy! I shoved them in the oven and set the timer. Looking around I realized the kids had gone to bed, I guessed they had gotten a snack earlier, while I was sleeping. Such a good sleep. So restful..and yet, I still felt tired. Having a stroke can make you tired. I went to bed knowing the beeper on the oven would wake me when the ham and turkey were done.

Sometime later, mid morning, I awoke to the the sound of the kids screaming! I couldn't see! There was smoke billowing up the stairs. I ran and grabbed the kids and took them out the front door, leaving the door open behind me. The open door had created a draft and the black smoke was now billowing up over the roof. I just kept running, pulling the kids with me, out of the house. The fire department had been called by neighbors, and they were coming down the street with the horns blowing. Horns? I don't think that's right. Anyway, they went running, (Un huh, running) into the house. Suddenly there was a new and bigger billowing of smoke coming out the door. It was blacker too. It looked like a train coming down the tracks at a hundred miles an hour. (reminds me of that song..I hear that train a coming..rolling down the tracks, nevermind..I can't help myself in moments like this)A fireman came out the door with something small and black in his hand. My turkey and ham. It was now the size of a tennis ball and resembled a rock. A small black rock. That was the ham, because it had a bone in the middle. The turkey had turned to black powder. The fireman told me the oven timer had been set for 24 hours and it was on the hottest setting. Oops! My bad.Cars were pulling up in front of the house now. The family had arrived for Thanksgiving dinner. I looked at the fireman, and told him to give the rock to them. I took the kids and ran, yes ran down the street, to the waiting arms of MacDonalds.
We had a great time! It was our turn!