I Didn't Plan It That Way

　

 No, I sure didn't plan it that way... to get old, not that I am of course! But I'm getting there. Now, I know that I'm supposed to be grateful, and I am, that I have achieved such an age at all. I am, for sure. I am more grateful I think, that I have reached this age, please don't ask what it is, with most of my health in tact. I say most, because there are certainly the creaks and groans in my bones some days. But for the most part, I am heading into the twilight with good health and a few goals yet to accomplish, with laughter in my heart and a few tricks left up my sleeve too!

I looked back the other day and realized that I hadn't traveled as far as I thought I would by now. Am I getting slower and forgetful all at the same time? I didn't plan it that way. I planned to stay strong and healthy without any wrinkles forever. I did, truly. I never spent much time thinking about what I would be like....if I aged. It couldn't happen to me, because it's so far away! That won't happen to me for many years, oh boy...I didn't plan it that way.


Oh my, what terrible mirrors they make today. It seems that mine gets worse every morning, as I peek up to the edge while brushing my teeth, not showing my whole face to that darn mirror. That darn mirror is completely distorted I tell you! I slipped up this morning and stood up too soon. My whole face was looking back at me and I screamed in horror. When my husband came rushing in to see what the matter was, I told him nothing. He didn't need to know...does he know..can he see the old woman in the mirror? He looked at me quizzically and went on about his business. I didn't plan it that way.


After I had hung a towel over that darn mirror, (that would fix her! ha ha the old
woman that lives in there hiding and waiting to catch me unaware) I went into the room where my husband was sitting. Sitting and staring into the T.V. flipping channels, not even stopping to see if there was something interesting on. His habits are becoming more irritating everyday, flipping those channels, as if suddenly there will be something of interest on, to fill his time. He doesn't need to find something, there is plenty to do, how dare he just sit, now that he is retired! I didn't plan it that way.


Spring is a somewhat kinder season for us here on the farm. The grass is growing and the cows are getting fed much easier. The mud of winter is dried and making way for more grass from the warmth of the sun. The boots are on the porch beside the heavy coats, at the ready, but for the most part taking a little time off too. It's almost time to cut hay, but not quite, leaving a little more time for leisure. I guess after all, my husband deserves some time to relax a little after the long winter. The cold days in the rain or snow, no matter what the temperature, he takes care of the cows (and I hide whenever I think I can). Yeah, he does deserve the time to flip channels. I didn't plan it that way!


The garden is tilled and tender new plants whisper in the wind that blows a little harder than I like, loving the warmth from the sun. Bare feet with grass between my toes is the most wonderful feeling in the world, after the heavy socks and boots of winter. But the wind now chills my arms and I reach for a jacket..I didn't plan it that way.


The evening comes late and offers time for a long walk after dinner. My hip cracks with each step but doesn't hurt for long. I lean a little more to the left and it's ok again. I still lean a little toward having soup for dinner too, but the Spring just tells me no, soup time is over til fall. That's ok, I like the lighter dinners this time of year and head back outside for awhile before the darkness takes the day away again. I didn't plan it that way.


I'm so glad to wake up each morning, even with the allergies of Spring. It seems to renew everything, even me. The grass, the trees and plants... and my soul, all feel the warm energy of Spring. The short cold winter days with dismal gray light are away for awhile and I feel that I have to hurry and enjoy the sun each day. Is that a sign of age? I don't know the answer, but I know that I appreciate each day more than before... I didn't plan it that way.


My grandchildren are growing faster than my own kids did..how does that happen? Was I blind when my kids were growing up and couldn't see the days pass into weeks and months...years...and then they were grown, right before my eyes..no. I didn't plan it that way.


Somehow my feet don't move at the same pace they used to. It takes more time now to accomplish the same things and some don't get done at all. I'm no longer in the kitchen late at night baking for the next day...we shouldn't eat all that sweet stuff anymore and there are no little ones clamoring for snacks all day..Now it's a dose of fish oil and a salad. I didn't plan it that way.


My projects seem to stare at me, daring me to come and play. I touch my paint brushes fondly and tell them I will be back soon..when I have the time. No longer full of fresh ideas each day and can't wait to start a new project, I plod along at my daily tasks unable to turn on a dime anymore and do twenty things at once...I didn't plan it that way.


My husband calls me to help with the cows. I look around for the quickest exit, knowing I can't lift myself over the fence with a running jump today. Choosing my fences to climb over carefully, without getting hit in the head with a hot wire is now a priority. The shock of it now seems to hurt more and last longer and I avoid it at all costs these days. I plan my exit in case a cow decides to run over me, since I don't move as quickly as I used to. The cow knows somehow..knows she can run faster... I didn't plan it that way.

I heard a family talking the other day, their mother was going to a nursing home. Looking at the children I thought, it's too soon! They are young and their mother is too! How could this be the way of things to come? I look again and see, the children have grown and are not so young. How did that happen so soon? The window of time is closing on us all. It comes so quietly we don't see or hear it beginning to close, leaving us unprepared for the events we take no pleasure in. Taking the time to look around and be thankful of all the things we have isn't here yet.. Oh no... I think it might be... I didn't plan it that way.

I am thankful each day for my family and my husband and all the people I seem to take for granted much of the time. Thinking they will be there even if I don't see them or talk to them enough..all I have to do is..reach..no, they aren't there today. They have their own families now. My thoughts are moving into a new direction, that I truly need to plan...to do all the things with them while the window is open, that I didn't get around to often enough before..call them more often, just for a moment..and see them more often too.Treasure the time and the loved ones.. I can see clearly now..I plan..to do it that way.